You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
