Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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