Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
