Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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