Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
