it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
