remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
