We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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