just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
