Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
