Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
