I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
