I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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