I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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