Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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