Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
