There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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