Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
