her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
