she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
