GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
