Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
