I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
