you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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