the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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