WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
