You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
