Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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