Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't deserve a penis
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
