i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
