We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
