At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize