I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
