lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
