he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
