Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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