I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
