1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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