idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
