I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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