I got chris browned last night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
