Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize