WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
