I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
