it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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