Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
