I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
