I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
