I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
