...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
