I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
