Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize