I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
