Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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