Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In America we eat man semen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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