He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
