I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
