It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
