drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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