I intend to get homeless drunk
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
