You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
