just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
