Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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