Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
