tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize